The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
