Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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