if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
