good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
