How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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