that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
