paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
