i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
