the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
