One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Randomize
