i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
