One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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