I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
