I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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