my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
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How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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