If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
