obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
