Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
