One girl and one boy is just not enough.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
