I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
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