Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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