just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
