I'm gonna have a badass scar
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
