Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
