he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
