I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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