Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
