end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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