bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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