I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
