I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
