walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
