in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
