it was like his penis was on wheels.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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