my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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