I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
