he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
