Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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