Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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