walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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