we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
