The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
