oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I looked at my own cervix.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
