I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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