So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
