Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
