Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Acid is not a monday night drug
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
