You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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