Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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