2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Small penises have feelings too.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
