i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
