I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
