you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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