i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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