I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Bring me that man meat
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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