yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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