Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
