Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
