I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
