And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
