I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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