Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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