this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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