apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
