I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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