If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
