dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
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is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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