"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
