I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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