I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
