I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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