i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
