I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
