So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
