I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
