My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
my poor anus
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
