when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
