I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
