i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just found puke in my bra..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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