we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
